Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
