i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
