I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
