Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
