u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
