no, he came in my armpit
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
