Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
