My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
