what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
