My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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