I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
