my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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