Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
