My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
