I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize