talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize