Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
