My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
