New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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