Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
