Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
