I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize