She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
