Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
