You made me cry and you don't even care
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
