He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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