you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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