i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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