you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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