In the future we'll all be gay
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
