U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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