Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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