and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
