We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
