dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
