oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
