awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
