How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize