I wish my penis had an off switch
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
