dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
