That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
