yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
