You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
