Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
