if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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