my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
