I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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