lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize