it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
