you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
