just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
