A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dicks are not precious.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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