The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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