Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its not stalking. its research.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
