I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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