I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
