he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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