Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
