You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize