I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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