I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
