My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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