final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize