Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
