Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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