There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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