Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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