Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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