After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
