I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
