My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
