WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
